KRIS

Sees everything. Says nothing. Pours accordingly.

Kris runs the bar at Banana Land, which puts him dead center of every piece of neighborhood gossip without him ever asking for it. He doesn't get involved in the drama — he just watches it happen from behind the taps, one polished glass at a time.

Every time Wanda turns up pregnant, the bar runs a pool on what the kid's going to look like. Kris is 8.5 for 9 — a run nobody can explain and he won't. The half point is Bindi and Ginger: he called the India side dead on, but there was no reasonable way to see the conjoined-twins-two-races combo coming, and he'll be the first to admit it.

Nobody knows how he does it. He's not telling. He's just pouring.