QUINN SHEEPLE

Calm voice. Constant meltdown.

Quinn teaches Critical Race Theory at the local community college, where he's especially passionate about one point in particular: white, straight men are born guilty, full stop, no exceptions, don't bother arguing. He's got opinions about basically everything else too — capitalism's irredeemable (though somebody's still funding that 401(k)), standardized testing is racist (he can't quite explain why, just that it is), and the American flag makes him "uncomfortable" (though he's never once turned down the day off for it).

He's also fully boosted. Repeatedly. Proudly. It comes up in conversation more than anyone asked for.

At home, he insists the kids call him "Quinn," not "Dad" — patriarchal construct, he explains, unprompted, again. He's against the patriarchy in theory; in practice, Karen still does all the actual parenting. He'll tell you he's "just having a conversation." He is not having a conversation. He is having a meltdown with a calm voice.